; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
