At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
