Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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