he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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