I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
