He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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