Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
