My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
