Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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