its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
