I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
