I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
