He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
