Your face is a jimmy john
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
