Just cropdusted the office
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I didn't notice because vodka
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
