Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
