haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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