Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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