Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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