I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
