i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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