I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
