we're chasing vodka with high fives
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
im on a boat
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