I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
