Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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