i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
