Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
