worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
