Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We need to get me chipped asap
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
