The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
