i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
