Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
