Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
