When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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