i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
