Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
