We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
