great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
