he puts the penis in happiness.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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