if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
