yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
