Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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