i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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