guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
