I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
either way he was missing a nipple.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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