I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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