you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
