I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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