I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
