After last night, I could never be a politician.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize