don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
