Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
