My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wish I only lived at night.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
