I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize