this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you had me at cake vodka
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
