Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
