Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
