Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
do nipples grow back?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
