Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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