she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
