dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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