Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
