woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
