turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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