he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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