I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
