I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
