Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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