I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
