I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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