did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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