If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
