Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
