he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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