Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
