wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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