dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sorry about my life...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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