I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
